When one looks at the law as written in Minnesota, Larry Craig broke none of them. In my opinion, the cop acted too soon. He should have continued to bait the unsuspecting Senator until something more substantial occurred. Why he didn’t is beyond me (unless maybe the cop was afraid he might actually get turned on by the blue-eyed Senator and enjoy whatever transpired).
So in the technical, legal aspect, I don’t think the Senator should have been charged with anything.
HOWEVER . . .
That having been said, what the Senator did was just plain creepy. I’ve been in enough public bathrooms to know that I don’t want some guy’s foot creeping into my stall area. If such an event were to occur, the encroaching foot would have been kicked away. Politely, of course. But not so politely if it happened a second time.
And I’m certainly not going to let my foot creep into someone else’s stall! If I have a “wide stance” (as the Senator claims he has), I’m only going as wide as my “area,” or I’m looking for the larger handicapped stall.
The Creepy Hand!
And if some guy’s hand was showing through under the divider, I’d be wondering “WTF?” I’d wait for it to stop, and if it didn’t, I’d just ask out loud, “LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?” 
And I see no reason at all for my hand to be down that low. That’s just plain WIERD.
But now the kicker. The officer shows his badge and points to the exit. The police report says Craig replied “No!”
‘No’ to what? If I was sitting on the crapper and a badge appeared under the divider with a finger pointed to the exit, I’d be saying, “WTF?”
Not having done anything wrong, I might have wondered if the cops were after someone else and were trying to clear out the bathroom to avoid someone getting shot in a fire fight. If that was my assumption I certainly wouldn’t have said anything out loud.
But again, if I hadn’t done anything wrong, why would I say “no!?”
Why was he in the “No Flush” Zone?
Okay — so now comes the Senator exiting the stall “without flushing” —according to the police report. But the officer does NOT look into the commode to see if it needed flushing. Perhaps the Senator just forgot? That would be a viable alibi for the Senator, but he doesn’t give it.
So again — this is WIERD. Weird, that is, UNLESS the Senator was constipated and couldn’t move anything (except his foot and his hand) while sitting down. Unless he was constipated, he should have been shuffling paperwork and there should have been a flush.
But again, if that were the case, doesn’t it make sense that the Senator would have explained that to the cops? Wouldn’t that have been a great alibi? Hell, he could have said his hands were under the divider as he as grabbing for something to help him push. But again, he said nothing of the sort.
The cop acted too soon, but . . . .
So really — because the cop moved too soon, Craig really shouldn’t have been arrested. But with all the WIERD actions of the Senator, I’d say it’s highly likely he was looking for SOMETHING out of the ordinary.
And to the Idaho delegation, I say it’s time the ‘Honorable’ Larry Craig acknowledge that regardless of whether or not he’s truly guilty, he’s lost credibility and is therefore no longer effective in his role. He should step down “for the good of the party.”
At least that way he can maintain a smidgeon of dignity.
What’s the danger of not doing so?
Recall the saga of Joey Buttafucco, the repair shop owner who was banging a young Amy Fisher on the side. Recall that Fisher then tried to kill Joey’s wife. People believed Joey’s denial, and if he had just shut up his life would have returned to normal (however deceitful ‘normal’ may have been).
But nooooooooo.
Mr. Buttafucco went on the national talk shows trying to drum up a bit of fortune with his newfound fame, and it blew up in his face. The truth came out and Buttafucco’s life fell apart all around him.
Learn a lesson from Joey Buttafucco
Senator! Take a lesson here! Resign. Retire to Idaho or become a lobbyist. Whatever you do, stop stomping your feet (and stop tapping them, too) while proclaiming your innocence.
Everybody thinks you’re WIERD, and you have the best chance of preserving what little dignity you have left if you just fade off and enjoy your retirement.
3 Comments
August 29, 2007 at 10:59 pm
This is hilarious!
I should add it as a trackback to my column.
If I write again about this, remind me to add it!
eric
August 30, 2007 at 9:21 pm
this is the funniest thing i’ve read in all week.
August 31, 2007 at 6:09 pm
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