Category Archives: Entertainment

How to drive the illegals nuts . . .

Gotta love this.  If you’ve ever been tooling down the freeway over the speed limit, chances are your eyes were scanning back and forth — on the look out for the law.

It’s basic human nature — you’re breaking the law, you know it, and your antennas are up.

 So imagine what goes through the mind of Mr. and/or Mrs. Illegal when they see the border patrol ! !

Now picture yourself causing that angst without saying a word — just by wearing an official-looking border patrol ball cap.

You can buy such an animal for only $10 at this site, among others.  So you know, I make no money on this at all.  I just think it would be fun for us legal citizens to stir up the angst of Mr. and Mrs. Illegal. — Especially since our wonderful “representatives” in congress don’t seem to understand the consequences of a porous border.

Check it out — and if you get one, be sure to come back and comment about your experiences!

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Filed under Culture, Entertainment, Humor, Immigration, Life, Rants, Thoughts

What my dog thinks of Windows Vista

The picture says it all . . . What my dog thinks of Windows Vista

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Actual letter applying for illegal immigrant status

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident – sent to his senator.)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
Phone: (202) 224-3254
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2K fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as ‘in-state’ tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald Ruppert Burlington, IA

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Can I call myself a nappy-headed ho?

When I wake up in the morning I’m not necessarily the Cary Grant I thought I was when I went to bed.

My hair is usually quite messed up. Big time. At times it could be described as ‘nappy.’

Okay – I admit it . . . I could be called “nappy-headed” and it would be true.

But what about “ho?”

Since everyone seems to have a different definition for it (just compare Snoop Dog’s def v. Charlie Sheen’s def), I think I’ll make my own def:  A ho is something you use to pull weeds in the garden. And since I pull weeds in the garden, I think I qualify as a ho.

So there — Sometimes (especially on a lazy Saturday morning) I could be called a nappy-headed ho.

But here’s what I really love. A forum post from Jerseycrl72 at  naturallycurly.com. This young lady says this about the Imus incident:

Here’s the ugly conclusion that I draw from this: for every one person that was offended, there is one other person that actually thought this was funny. That making jokes about nappy headed ho’s was worth a chuckle. That’s why, I suspect, that NBC and CBS waited to take action. They know it too. The guy brings in ratings, and he books upper echelon “Politico” guests. (I like to call them the Sunday Morning Gassbags)

 If you follow the above link and check out her picture, jerseycrl72 doesn’t appear to be a pasty white anglo saxon protestant.  No …. she’s an attractive woman of color. Interesting, her comments, no?

But for the more ‘serious’ reader, I offer these tasty morsels:

Jason Whitlock’s column at the Kansas City Star.

Mac Johnson’s column at Human Events.

Enjoy.

Respectfully,

 An occasionally nappy-headed ho.

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Nutcakes in Caleefornya (+bonus: an IQ trivia question!)

Get this — if you live in any urban / suburban area you’ve probably seen kids dancing around with a sign reading “Caesar’s Pizza = $5” . . . or perhaps somebody dressed up like the statue of liberty during tax season, holding a sign for Liberty Tax Service.  Sometimes the person holding that tax service sign is someone dressed as Uncle Sam.

Personally, I think it’s great. Something to smile at, actually. Here’s a kid with his iPod cranked up to 12 dancing around with a sign for Caesar’s Pizza.  He’s having fun, he’s making money, and store is probably selling more pizzas.  Or, in the case of Lady Liberty, here’s a person reminding me it’s tax time!

Liberty Tax Service But you won’t see these folks anymore in family-friendly Poway, Caleefornya anymore.  Seems that Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam were doing their annual stand-on-the-corner-with-a-sign routine, and someone complained that their presence was a “traffic hazard.”

No accidents had occurred.  No fender benders.  No bumper thumpers.  Not even any black  tire skids appearing on the road from people trying to stop.  But someone goes whining to city hall, and they passed a law making it illegal to hold signs on sidewalks because they create “traffic hazards.”

WABOS.  (for the uninitiated, that stands for What A Bunch Of S***).

Here’s what I think happened:  Some influential guy who runs an H&R Block nearby was losing a lot of business to Liberty Tax Service, so he pulled in some favors down at city hall.

With no accidents occurring, why should we think differently? Follow the money.  Some stuffy tax preparation service (who sees themselves as above putting someone in an Uncle Sam costume) is losing business to another company that’s taking the initiative to get out and bring in business.

WABOS.  Next thing you know it will be a crime to fart there in Poway because you’ll be endangering the environment.

By the way, here’s a quick quiz to determine your Caleefornya IQ:
pizza.gif
Q.  What do you put on a Caleefornya pizza?

A.  Fruits and nuts.

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The best quote ever

Driving home the other night I saw a bumper sticker that had the best quote ever.  It should be shouted from the mountain tops:

“Guns kill people in the same way that spoons make Rosie O’Donnell fat.”

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Filed under Culture, Entertainment, Gun Control, Humor, Life, Rants, Thoughts, TV

Jack Bauer’s dad a whore?

While being interviewed in Europe, James Cromwell, aka Farmer Hoggett in Babe and Jack Bauer’s father on 24, started going off on America.

 In an interview with the Times of London, Cromwell said

“I can’t handle living in the United States of America when I know the last two elections were rigged, and that we were denied our right to vote, where we live in a country where 32 percent of the people vote and even those people’s votes don’t count, and the people who should really have a stake, kids, don’t have any say at all – people of color, very little to say, unions, practically nothing any more … we’re losing our jobs. …”

 Where does this twaddle duck get off with this?  “We were denied our right to vote” ? ?

 Excuse me, sir, but how were you denied your right to vote?  And who is “we” ? ?

“32 percent of the people vote” and their “votes don’t count” ?

Mr. Cromwell, I don’t recall seeing any mass of people preventing the other lazy, ignorant, and/or apathetic 68% from heading down to their friendly local ballot box.

 Their votes don’t count?  HOW? If you’re implying the process of the electoral college, we ARE a constitutional republic, not a democracy, Mr. Cromwell. The electoral college, as you are well aware, was set up to protect smaller states from being run over by the larger states.  If this slips you’re mind, perhaps you’ve forgotten it and need a refresher course.

“…the people who should really have a stake, kids, don’t have any say at all…”

Again, Mr. Cromwell, this makes no sense.  KIDS don’t have a say?  I’m sure you’re aware that 18 year olds can vote.  And I’m having a hard time believing that you think a 16-year old or a 14-year old or a 12-year old (who knows where you definition of “kid” begins and ends) will understand the consequences of electing one person over another. The only issues they understand are music, clothes, text messaging, and the opposite sex. 

Could you have make an intelligent voting choice at 16, Mr. Cromwell? Does ANYONE sincerely think that?  Or would it be fair to say that such a vote would be influenced by hormones or peer pressure?

 I could go on analyzing your “position,” but I want to get to my main observation. I saved the best for last.

When you were asked in this interview why, if you feel this way, that you participate in a show that defends American values, your answer was most curious. You said:

“I am on the horns of a dilemma – I can walk away if I think it’s really bad. It’s hard to explain. It’s a job.”

The dilemma is that you love all the money you get being in that series, but you hate what the work stands for.  It’s like being a prostitute, Mr. Cromwell. That’s what’s hard to explain.  “It’s a job”??    You’re selling your values for money.

Picture yourself trying to talk a prostitute out of that lifestyle, and she responds, “I can walk away if I think it’s really bad. It’s hard to explain. It’s a job.”

It’s really not hard to explain, Mr. Cromwell – you’re simply a whore.

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